Reassurance
by sammyiammy
Summary: For a gay man, Al Sev isn't too bad at dealing with women. It's Hugo that has the problem. Featuring James and Lily.


"What women want is reassurance."

This pearl of wisdom came from Albus Potter. He lounged in a wing-back chair in his family's parlour with the greatest of ease, his feet propped up on a glass table cluttered with photos. The dirt on his shoes seemed to be falling in flakes onto the pictures, leaving their occupants shouting silently up at him. It was, of course, revenge for having had to get his feet dirty in the first place. Weeding the garden was below him. On most days. Mainly ones where he had managed to sneak gillyweed out from under his pillow and into the wood behind the house without his mum noticing.

Al stroked the area in which he had been incapable of growing a goatee and continued, "They want reassurance, and you have to give it to them constantly or else they go bonkers, and no sex for you."

"Al?"

"Yes, Hugo?"

"You do know you're gay, right?"

Al's hands hit the armrests of his chair with a loud, dry slap. Eye turned sharply on his younger cousin, he made a noise that sounded like a cross between indignation and acknowledgment. Another hit of the armrests and he reassured Hugo, "I know what I'm talking about."

Careful to make his next point delicately, so as not to offend the boy who was currently getting mud all over his portrait's face, Hugo said, "You might, but seeing as you dedicate most of your time to wooing strange men," Al made a tutting noise and Hugo amended, "Getting wooed, I mean. Since you are, in fact, homosexual, although I've always trusted your judgment, I think I would be more inclined to get advice from someone who's straight."

"Fine," said Al. He steepled his fingers, then roared, "JAMES, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?"

An answer came from the far reaches of the upper stories of the Potter home, losing none of its annoyed tone as it bounced down the stairwells. "The fuck do you want, Al? I'm a bit busy!"

Barely letting the echoes die down, Al repeated, "WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?"

"Gift baskets."

"I'M DOING THE OTHER LECTURE, YOU WANKER!"

"Reassurance."

A smug grin made itself at home on Al's face. The steepled fingers were laced together, then unlaced so Al could point at the region just above Hugo's eyebrows. "Told you. Never doubt a gay man when it comes to women."

Of their own accord, Hugo's eyes shut. They knew by then that Hugo couldn't stand to look at Albus when he had his I'm-the-genius-of-the-family face on. "Do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth, Al?"

"Nope."

Albus's mouth had been forming the beginning of an insulted retort, but a female voice from the corridor headed him off. Thinking better of the pail of Merlin only knew what she was carrying, Lily put it down on the hardwood floor and strolled casually into the parlour. The contents of the pail made a disturbingly human-like noise when she left it on its own. The cry didn't seem to faze her, as she sat down on the table hosting Al's feet completely undeterred. The pictures just around her rear began to pantomime laugh at those beneath her.

"Hugo, what stupid thing is Al trying to convince you of now?"

"Oi," said Al, prodding Lily in the back with a particularly soiled part of his shoe. "I'm right here."

"Ssh. That's why I said stupid and not utterly moronic."

Al looked briefly affronted before shrugging and leaning back into his chair. He _was_ glad she'd only used stupid.

Hugo itched at his nose, his voice lowered to an almost inaudible point. "The ways of girls."

"Laser pearls?" said Lily. She spun to face Albus, brow furrowed. "Didn't we tell you not to drink on an empty stomach, Al? You're bad enough at holding alcohol as it is and I refuse to have to be the one who tells Mum that you've passed out in the azaleas again because we all know how hard she worked on those bushes."

"Why do you always assume I'm drunk?" protested Al. He prodded her again for good measure. "I'm the good kid."

Lily and Hugo ignored him.

"The ways of girls, I said."

"Are you having girl troubles?"

Hugo didn't like the way Lily's lips were beginning to curl. He didn't like it at all. So he decided on straight denial. There were fewer chances of her picking apart his answer that way. "No."

"You are so," said Lily.

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not."

"He is," interrupted Al. He still looked a bit sulky at the drinking comment, but as neither Lily nor Hugo was looking at him, his pout went unnoticed. "Lily, tell him what women want."

Lily crossed her legs and peered at Hugo. Putting a finger to her lips, she decided, "Cut your Jewfro."

"Lily, I've told you this a thousand times: I'm not Jewish."

"That is completely irrelevant to my point and," she got up and began to make her way out of the parlour, "I have a shrunken Irishman I need to deal with so I'm just going to be on my way now, my idiotic family members," at the junction of the two rooms, she turned back, "And also: reassurance."

"Did she just say she had an Irishman in that pail?" said Hugo, his raised eyebrows almost hidden in the red curls atop his head.

"That is not the point!" yelled Albus, hitting the chair again. "Did you hear her? Reassurance!"

"Gay. You are gay, Al. You are a _ponce._"

"Would you like me to style your Jewfro for you or are you going to shut up and listen to my woman advice, Hugo?"

"If I get shagged, will you stop acting like you have any idea what girls are on about?"

Al swung his legs around and planted them on the ground, propping his head in his hands and giving Hugo a fond smile, "Yup."

Rubbing his temples with a thumb and forefinger, Hugo asked dully, "Reassurance?"

"Reassurance."

**All characters - excluding the poor shrunken Irishman - belong to JK Rowling and aren't making me any profit. I hope you liked my brief foray into her world, and if you didn't, I'm glad you read through to here anyway.**


End file.
